Birth Order Facts

I know we've all heard these, but they are just too funny to pass up. Sadly, I was doing a lot of the "child #3" things already with my first!!!

First Child: You begin wearing your maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms the pregnancy.
Second Child: You put off wearing maternity clothes and try to stay in your regular clothes as long as possible.
Third Child: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the birth

First Child: You practice your breathing exercises religiously.
Second Child: You don't bother with the breathing exercises, since they didn't help last time.
Third Child: You request your epidural be administered in your eighth month.

Baby's Layette

First Child: You pre-wash everything in baby detergent, then color-coordinate, fold and organize it all neatly in baby's dresser.
Second Child: You're pretty sure the clothes are clean, and you discard the ones with the really dark stains.
Third Child: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries

First Child: You pick up your child at the first sign of distress, whether a frown or a whimper
Second Child: You pick up your child when the wails might wake up the first child.
Third Child: You teach the older children how to re-start the swing.

Pacifier

First Child: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you pack it away till you can get home and boil it.
Second Child: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with the baby's bottle.
Third Child: If the pacifier falls on the floor, the child will have to wrestle the dog to get it back. To clean it, you wipe it on a clean part of your shirt, if you can find one.

Diapers

First Child: You change the diaper every hour, no matter what.
Second Child: You check the diaper every couple hours and change as needed.
Third Child: You change the diaper when it sags to their knees or people complain about the smell.

Activities

First Child: You take your baby to Infant Gymnastics, Infant Play Group, and Infant Story Time
Second Child: You take your baby to an occasional Playgroup
Third Child: You only take your infant with you out of the house when you absolutely have to.

Time Away

First Child: The first time you leave the baby, you call to check on them at least five times.
Second Child: You remember to jot down your cell number on your way out the door.
Third Child: Your instructions are explicit - Call only if there is blood.

At Home With Baby

First Child: You spend a good part of your day playing with, and gazing lovingly at, your baby.
Second Child: You spend a good part of your day making sure the older child doesn't pinch, poke, hit or in some way terrify the younger child.
Third Child: You spend at least a small part of your day hiding from your children.

When Your Child Swallows Coins

First Child: You take them to the ER and demand X-rays.
Second Child: You carefully watch for the coins to pass.
Third Child: You deduct it from their allowance