Home for the weekend

Last night the smaller baby didn't do so hot on his BPP (one of the tests they do) so they retested him this morning... and he passed with flying colors. He is now showing the practice breathing movements and seems fairly active. So, they decided to let me go home for the weekend, and then I will be going back to the hospital for outpatient testing throughout next week. If the babies do well on their tests, I will have two days in between tests. If not, I have to go back the next day and possibly be admitted again. Needless to say, they are still monitoring me closely, but they said the babies look healthy and stable enough for me to take a couple days off from my lovely hospital stay. This will be a very crazy couple of weeks (or however long) between running to the hospital for testing and arranging child care, but so far I have had lots of offers to help for either helping with transportation (since we will not have another vehicle till Feb 7th) or offering to watch the girls. Even today my cousins drove up to the hospital to surprise me and pick me up and take me home - what a treat!!

I am on modified bedrest at this point, which is stricter than what I was on, but again we are working it out that I can either stay with family or people will come to my house to help out. It has been great how people have stepped up. The doctors don't seem to think the babies will be able to stay in more than a week or two at most, but it is in God's hands. He'll let us know when they are ready! Until then, keep praying...

Thanks for everyone who came and visited, called, and all the other fun stuff. I especially appreciate the positive words of encouragement - that really goes a long way with a worried mommy! I was just so overwhelmed at the effort people put into helping us out, even though for some it was quite an inconvenience to drive that far to U of M. To top it off, when I came home, I found my aunt busily trying to unearth what had once been our home. (Yes, it was that messy.) To give to another person without expecting something in return is rare, and I was so thankful and humbled to see our friends and family that pitched in just to help, without expecting anything back. This has been a physically and emotionally grueling time, and as the babies' delivery nears I know we are going to be quite frazzled to say the least! Please know how much your kindness and generosity helps us through!!

I'm at U of M!

I was transferred last night when a bed opened up to U of M. So far, the staff here (doctors, residents, nurses, everyone) have been just wonderful. Very personable, down-to-earth and helpful. The room and food are nowhere near as nice as St Joe's, but that's not the priority now, right? ;0) I have met with the specialists and here is the basic plan at this point:

There are three main tests they are using to monitor the babies. Up till now, they have been passing them well. (The smaller twin is the only one having issues, the larger is still healthy and developing.) Unfortunately, today the little twin didn't do so hot on his test so he will need to be reevaluated in the morning. If he fails again tomorrow, I will be staying. If he passes, they are considering letting me go home and come in for monitoring on an outpatient basis. They really want to keep them in as long as possible, especially since the little twin is still so tiny. (He was checked today, and he is still not quite two pounds.) So, things are still up in the air, but that is just how it's going to be from day to day! I am borrowing my cousin's laptop, so I have to keep this brief. (Thanks, Beth!) Once again, if you want to visit or call me directly you can e-mail me for my info (although I don't know when I'll have laptop access again) or just call Chad or my mom. Thanks SO MUCH again for all the prayers and support.

Transfer Delayed

U of M called and they have admitted 5 acute high risk patients since they started processing my transfer. So, they are delaying mine. We will have more information tonight as to how soon we will transfer. So, my original info (phone and room number) stay the same at least until tomorrow.

WOW!!!

I have been so overwhelmed with all the responses! My first two pages of e-mail are all supportive notes, Facebook comments and messages, etc... I really loved all the positive remarks about U of M - this did much for my peace of mind. I was also overwhelmed with the offers for helping with the girls. My former boss even contacted me and offered to take them in her daycare in a pinch! (And I didn't even know she read my Facebook!!!) Others have offered to arrange playdates or offered other ideas. Wow again - I feel so humbled. I also can feel all the prayers, since I went from crying all morning to feeling much more at peace. If I miss responding to a personal message or e-mail, I apologize. I am continually being interrupted on-line with all the various fun stuff they have to do to monitor the babies, so I may lose track. Please know they are all read and GREATLY appreciated, even if I don't reply personally.

I do want to clarify one thing, though, since I may have hurt some feelings. When I said my concern was child care I was in NO WAY referring to the care they are currently receiving at Grandma's house!!!!! My concern is making long-term care plans, since I may be hospitalized a couple more weeks, then however long after that the babies are in NICU... That was my concern, not their current situation. My mum-in-law does a wonderful job with them, and so far things have been going great, she is assuring me. She does battle a heart condition and is going out-of-town, though, so beyond the next few days she will not be available for just over a week. Again, my worry is the long-term, nothing personal!! Hope I didn't give the wrong impression. The girls love it over there, doing art projects, going on outings, you name it. Well, back to what I was saying earlier, thank you to all who have offered to help with the girls. We will definitely do our best to work it all out!

Transfer Imminent

Well, the decision seems to have been made for us! The incoming group of doctors has decided they are not comfortable making the decisions related to the babies' care. I wanted to wait through the weekend, since I would then be 29 weeks, but they want to go the cautious route. I will be transferred to U of M sometime this afternoon or evening. Wah! I really love my doctor and current hospital, but she said that the decision of when to deliver the babies is a matter of life and death (or serious health issues) for the smaller twin. Therefore, it is just a decision better made with the combined expertise and more in-depth monitoring techniques I will receive at U of M. Logically, it is the right choice; emotionally, I have been crying all morning. I really wanted to deliver here, since I know the surgeons and like the NICU unit here better. (Although both hospitals have almost identical success rates.) Obviously, God is taking this decision out of our hands, though, so I will trust that His wisdom is greater than our emotions.

My other choice is that everyone pray that God heals Dr. Bryant and he can get back to work quickly. Then I can transfer back here and everything will be hunky dory! Okay, now I see why God takes over some of my decisions....

I've had people ask about visiting me. Personally, I love visitors, since I could be hospitalized for a while and it gets very isolating and monotonous. This laptop has been a sanity-saver, so I am hoping they offer something similar at U of M. If not, my boredom will increase exponentially. Anyway, though, don't feel obligated to visit, though, since I am not keeping score or anything! (Just don't expect a Christmas card next year. Oh wait, I didn't do Christmas cards this year!!!) Yesterday my cousins visited and even brought me cards, candy and puzzle books! My sissy-poo and her hubs came and stayed late even though they had to work, just to keep my spirits up. Our pastor and his wife stopped by, and with all the sicknesses and injuries going on at church or church family members, they have done a lot of hospital hopping. They are gems, though, we really love our church family. Again, it's nice to have the company, but honestly don't feel obligated. I do not have current room or phone number information because I'm not sure when the transfer is and I don't want to confuse anyone. Also, I will not post it publicly, so if you have my e-mail address or can send me a facebook message (or call my cell phone) I can get you my direct room phone # and whatever else you need to know once I am settled in at U of M. Of course, this is all contingent on my having access to a computer at U of M... I am hoping!

I am in the hospital...

Well, I am in the hospital. Ick. I am excited they gave me a laptop - I am bored beyond reason when I am not worried or exhausted. Anyway, here's the scoop!
Yesterday Chad took me for my weekly ultrasound. Things have been going great with the twins, as I mentioned in an earlier post. The fluid levels are balancing out, and the smaller twin has grown from the 9th percentile to the 30th percentile. The larger one is almost 3 pounds and the smaller one is just over two pounds. So, we were feeling very optimistic going to this ultrasound! Then they dropped the bomb, but I'll get to that.
First, the office called to say that my new doctor (the Maternal-Fetal specialist Dr. Bryant) has become severely ill and will be hospitalized indefinitely. They are sending me back to my original doctor, and she is consulting with the specialists at U of M for my care. I wasn't worried about this at all (in fact, I was a little relieved to be back with the doctor I've seen all along and was comfortable with, since the complications seemed to be resolving themselves) and again we were looking forward to my carrying these munchkins nice and long. Yeppers, everything is just fine and dandy. (I should have known better!!!)
Anyhoo, I was 28 weeks yesterday, so they decided to do a Doppler scan, showing blood flow in the babies/placenta. I was having heart issues, so they had to keep shifting my position. I assumed this was why they scanned me four times, but after the scan(s), they told me to wait in the consultation room. This was not good, since generally I just leave and get the report the next day. Finally, a nurse came in, and told me to go straight to the hospital. "The diastolic flow on the smaller twin was absent." That's what she said, and I had no idea what that meant. In lieu of Dr.Bryant's consult, she called my old doctor (Dr. Palfey) who said to admit me and prepare me for an emergency C-section. WHAT!??!!? I thought things were fine!!!!! Chad and I were just numb, but we drove to the hospital where they monitored me for the rest of the night. The babies were doing great, so they called off the C-section. (Yay!)
It was the longest, most miserable evening and night. I didn't sleep a wink, since the boys didn't want to stay on the monitor and the nurses had to keep coming in and adjusting them. Worrying about the babies, worrying about who will care for the girls, starving because they couldn't let me eat in case of the C-section (low blood sugar and stress don't mix), etc... it was not fun to say the least. On top of this, I had to have several consults with the doctors explaining what the possible scenarios were (which varied widely at this point from the annoying to the terrifying) and a HORRIBLE meeting with the neonatologist which I was in no mental state for. She was very kind and compassionate, but she had to explain a lot of possible medical issues with babies born this early that I just was not ready to hear. It was a horrible night to say the least.Today was much better. Not necessarily news-wise, but my mental state has improved considerably. (Thank the Lord for grace when you need it.) Dr. Palfey came first thing in the morning and explained what the diastolic issue meant as only she can. (I love my doctor!!!) She's to the point without sugar-coating. I won't bore you with the details, but the summary is that this will not correct itself and it is just a matter of time before they have to deliver the babies. They will be monitoring them, and as long as they seem happy and active (and their hearts do as well) they are going to leave them in as long as possible. Again, my doctor is consulting with U of M and keeping them appraised of the twins' condition/getting their opinions. If it seems like things will get overly complicated, they will transfer me there. For now, though, the plan is to keep me here until delivery is unavoidable. As for a time frame, that could be as early as tomorrow (I have been given steroids to boost their lung development) or as long as a couple weeks. Naturally, as much as I hate being here, I am still hoping they can stay inside safely as long as possible. Buns bake better in the oven than out!! Again, care for the girls is an issue, but we will play it by ear. Sarah is looking into emergency drop-in care at the daycare center she works at. It is a very calm, well-organized upscale daycare, and I think the girls would like it. Anyway, we shall see!!!!!

Wow, I've been working on this post all day and it's turning into quite the novel. One last biggie decision we have to make is whether to stay here or be transferred to U of M. I am more comfortable here, of course, and I prefer the preemie care here at their NICU, but U of M will have an entire staff of Maternal-Fetal specialists, whereas my current hospital no longer has a specialist while Dr. Bryant is recovering. Dr. Palfey used to work at U of M, so she has contacts there she has been conferring with. Unfortunately, her group is only on call through the weekend, and a different group of doctors will be here next week. I don't know how comfortable they will be dealing with a situation as touchy as mine, and I also don't know if they have specialists they call for advice (instead of just transferring high risk patients like me). Overall, it is walking a thin line - since if they take the twins too early the babies face a host of health issues, but leaving them in while one is essentially getting no nutrients could cause a whole new set of health issues. So there is a huge burden placed on the doctor who must decide when to "pull the trigger" on the delivery. Naturally a specialist will feel more comfortable making that call, while a general OB doctor (which is all we currently have here) will have a lot on their conscience making that decision on more limited knowledge/experience. Chad and I are praying and hoping we come to the same conclusion. Please add this to your ever lengthening list of things to pray for us and the babies!!!!

I will close this book for now. There is actually so much going on, believe it or not I am trying to summarize!!! Sorry if some of this was repetitive - I was working on it all day and so didn't have a fluid train of thought. I am in a much better state of mind today, much more at peace and ready to face whatever God has in store. I am sure this is due to the prayers we are receiving. I don't think I've ever experienced a pain like this, seeing our babies in danger and feeling so helpless to do the right thing. (Since no one is sure what the right thing is!!!) I'm not looking forward to living here for the next however long, but on the other hand I feel better knowing how closely monitored the babies are. Continue to pray for us, and thanks so much for all the phone calls, cards, and even visitors I've already had!!!! It really breaks up the boredom and keeps up my spirits. Pray for the girls as they deal with this emotional time, and also for Chad who is trying to keep his job and juggle caring for me and the girls. What a crazy time for us! I'll keep you posted. Trust me - I don't have anything else to do here!!!!

Selah is Potty Trained!!!

Hooray! After a whopping 9 day "Potty Boot Camp" Selah is accident-free and proudly sporting her big girl panties. My MIL posted a cute pic with her post here. This is a big relief, and she is quite proud of herself!!!!

Baby Update!!

We had another ultrasound/amniotic fluid check on the babies, and the fluid levels on the larger twin have gone down to normal! His heart is also close to normal, and both babies bladders are functioning fine (a big deal with TTTS). They both have strong heartbeats and are very active. I swear they have started wrestling in there. There is still slightly less fluid on the smaller twin, but the level has remained stable, which is a GREAT thing. Chad and I had another consultation with Dr. Bryant, and he is reconsidering his diagnosis of TTTS! He said that there is another condition that causes one twin to outpace the other in growth, and it involved how efficiently each twin is attached to their shared placenta. If one just isn't "hooked up" as well, he will grow slower. This is significant, because this condition does not carry NEARLY as many risks as TTTS as far as mental handicaps, cerebral palsy, preterm labor, heart failure, and all that other yucky stuff. There is no way to treat it, and as long as the wee one is growing steadily, even if slower, you just keep them in as long as possible. With TTTS, you can't leave them in the womb once it progresses past a certain point, since it will kill both of them if left untreated. This is not the case if one is just not getting his fair share of the placenta. So, naturally I am praying that this is the case, especially since I have passed the deadline for surgery for TTTS. There is nothing we can do either way at this point, so I am hoping for Door #2!! He is a very active little baby, even if tiny, and I am sure he is going to be a little fighter no matter what ends up being the diagnosis. (I am starting to think we will just keep guessing till they are born.) He already wrestles his brother and they still manage somersaults much to my discomfort. Sometimes when I worry about him, he starts to kick and squirm as if to tell me he's still fighting in there! His "big" brother likes to climb on him so he is helping to toughen him up as well. Just pray, pray, pray for them. I have had several people tell me they put the babies on their churches' prayer lists. This means the world to us, since I am a big believer in the power of prayer. Their next growth measurements are at the end of this month, so I'll let you know how big they're getting then!

Blessings!

I know this may be getting redundant, but again I need to say thanks to those who are really going out of their way to help us out. My family has been a huge help with taking care of the girls. Although I am still not on full bed rest (yay!) I am not supposed to be on my feet if I can avoid it. Which is a joke with a 2 and 3-year-old. So, our church has started bringing meals AGAIN, which is a great help to both me AND Chad. (And they're really yummy, too.) Also, we've had a couple guys bring us by some of their hunting bounty, so we have a freezer piled with venison, boar, fish and other goodies. (We've made a good dent in the venison already! And Sarah and Eric are making sweet and sour pork tonight with some boar roast. Yummmm...) You can't imagine what a help this is to have food in the freezer. Grocery shopping has become something of a luxury with time and energy at such a premium! Also, even with the ridiculous amount of snow we've been getting, our retired next-door neighbors have been diligently snow blowing and shovelling our driveway. Short of shovelling at 2:00 a.m., I don't know when Chad could possibly have done it, and our car had already gotten stuck twice. They even come over and clean off that humop you get at the end of your driveway when they plow. Talk about meticulous! We were just overwhelmed. When we thanked the man and his wife, he just said that when his wife had been pregnant over 30 years ago, he was, like Chad, also working a lot of hours and trying to keep up with running the household. After a big snow, his neighbor came over and kept their driveway clear. So, he figured it was his turn to pay it forward! I felt like crying!!!! Just like in the movies.

Anyway, we have been very humbled and are very grateful by how much our friends and family have helped us through this. I feel like you are not only helping us out, but you are helping give our babies the best possible chances, since so much stress is being lifted off by all this help in these different areas. Words really aren't enough, but THANK YOU. Okay, enough of this before I start crying again. ;0)

Labor Scare!!!

Yikes, I had my first preterm labor scare. A nasty tummy bug has been ravaging my family, and it hit me the middle of last week. I couldn't keep anything down, not even a sip of water. OF COURSE Chad had to be out of town for two days, so fortunately my mum-in-law helped out with the girls. There wasn't much to do for me, though, so I basically sat in a chair and only got up to throw up. Talk about miserable!!! By the second day I was, of course, dehydrated, and the contractions started. I was hoping they weren't anything serious, and I was just counting the hours till Chad got home!!! By the time he got there, they were 15 minutes apart and not stopping. We called the doctor and explained the situation, and they said I could try to hydrate myself or get to the hospital and get an IV. Since they weren't increasing in intensity, they said I could try for two more hours to rehydrate if I didn't want to go to the hospital. My mom was getting off work at 10:00 that night, so I asked her to stop by and check on me. If the contractions didn't let up, she offered to stay with the girls. Chad is quite the pro at hydrating, since this is something he dealt with a lot early on in the pregnancy, and within the first hour the contractions slowed down to 30 minutes apart. He knew just how much diluted Gatorade and ice chips to give me. Not too much that I would start vomiting again, but enough to get the job done. Finally they slowed to an hour apart. The next day I went to see Dr. Bryant, and they found I had effaced(?) a little bit, so the contractions had been "real." Yikes! Anyway, he told me to stay lying down (I guess sitting up had made it worse, since it puts pressure on your cervix. Oops.) avoid any solid food, take my anti-nausea pills, and DRINK DRINK DRINK. Again, he suggested an IV, but said he thought Chad was doing a good job getting me rehydrated if I'd rather stay home. (Which I did.) I had had 16 contractions the next day, and only about 5 yesterday, so I'm guessing we are out of the woods! One of my medical field readers will have to tell me, since I forgot to ask the doctor, can you go backward once you've started effacing? Or will I just have a shorter cervix now till the actual labor? Just curious.

Anyway, like I said, I am feeling better now, keeping down both food and liquids. Just pray that this doesn't happen again - they need to stay in there and bake another couple months at least!

Ticker!

I've added the ticker, but it says I'm 27 weeks. Not sure how they calculate it, but the farther I am the better!!!

*Update* Ooops, I figured out what was wrong. My doc and I have been going by my realistic due date, which is 38 weeks (April 7th), but my actual 40 week due date is April 21st. In all honesty, they are hoping I make it to 35 weeks, which is about the end of March. But anyway, I changed the ticker - now it's accurate at least as to how far along I am!

Health Update

Thanks for all your prayers for my health and most importantly the health of our teeny little baby boys!!!! My doctor called, and she and the specialist in maternal-fetal medicine (Dr. Bryant) have made the decision to transfer me completely to Dr. Bryant's care. This was a bit emotional for me, since I absolutely LOVE my doctor, and it is hard to switch to a virtual stranger at this point!!!! But, she said that she felt things were just getting too high-risk to be handled by a general OB doctor, and she would feel better seeing me in the hands of an expert. I agreed that I would do whatever is best for the babies, but I will miss her.

So, now I will be seeing Dr. Bryant on a weekly basis as we monitor the twins. He said the last two reports showed that the fluid levels were still stable, which makes three weeks in a row they haven't changed. (This is VERY good news!!!!) The larger twin's heart also is not as enlarged, and doesn't appear to be under stress. Their main concern at the point is the size discrepancy is increasing. The twins are now 35-40% different in size, up from 25%. The good news is, if my fluid levels stay relatively stable, then I can keep the little buns in the oven longer and give the wee one a chance to get big enough to make it out here. He is just now hitting 1 pound, while his "big" brother is crowding two pounds already! But the wee one is growing, so that's at least a relief. He is also very active, which they told me is a good sign. Dr. Bryant wants to explore other conditions besides TTTS that would cause such a growth discrepancy, since it is odd to have the babies be that far apart without the TTTS getting worse at all, or, as in my case, even progressing at all. Normally with twins that far apart in size due to TTTS, the fluid around the little one should be almost gone. Again, I am learning to just sit back and ride this out, leaving the details in God's hands. I can't help but worry about them, since I already love them dearly and I want them to be healthy, but at the same time I know I am doing all I can (which isn't much) and the rest is out of our hands. Next week is the deadline for a decision about the surgery, but with the babies amniotic fluid levels being stable I would not qualify anyway at this point! So if that doesn't change within the next couple weeks, I can assume God is giving us His answer on getting the surgery.

I am not on full bed rest yet, but I have been ordered to stay off my feet. Preterm labor is the biggest risk for the itty bitty baby until he has time to grow a bit more and fatten up a bit. My heart is doing a lot better, probably due to the fact I am rarely on my feet! When I am going stir crazy being in the house, we go to Meijer or some other store where I can putt around in an electric cart. Even that wears me out, though. I can't believe how easily I tire out!!!! More than five minutes on my feet and I will pass out unless I sit down and rest. I am growing quite large, and am currently the size I was when I delivered Selah, both in belly size and weight! Impressive, considering I am only 25 weeks along....

Thanks, Mystery Giver!!

It's funny how just about the time you start to panic about something, God steps in and provides... making you feel silly for worrying! First of all, I want to thank the Mystery Giver who sent us the letter and money around Christmas for the babies. I have to admit, my faith has been a little shaky as we get closer to the end of this pregnancy with no baby gear. One day, I was especially down about it, and I assume it was some kind of early "nesting" or something. I decided on a whim to check Craigslist... again... for some of the bare essentials I knew we needed to get started. My current hang-up? A baby bed/bassinet and car seats. I know there are other things you need to get started, but these were the two things I was thinking about. Okay, obsessing about! I have been checking Craigslist on the rare occasions I can get to the computer, but the only car seats I was finding were too old or too dirty. Well, this one day I decided to price new ones, and boy did I get sticker shock! We were blessed to find Elianna's car seat on clearance (part of a stroller travel system) for about half the price of a single car seat, and we used that for Selah as well. And OF COURSE that stuff is all gone now, since I purged my house of anything "baby" last year. Argh. So, back to Craigslist I go, and I find a listing that said "Twin Boys Baby items." Hmm, that sounded promising! I clicked on it, and found a phone number, which is unusual for Craigslist. I called the lady, and found out she was a grandma to identical twin boys who just turned a year old. (And apparently, she was having the same baby purge issue I had last year.) Included in her items for sale? Two "like new" car seats EXACTLY like the new ones I had picked out. The first price she quoted me was a bit higher than I was hoping, but she eventually lowered the price... and then threw in THREE bouncers, a bag of misc baby stuff/toys and two diaper boxes full of adorable little tiny boy clothes (including a few cute matching outfits!)! All of this was for the exact amount that the Mystery Person sent us in the mail, about the price of one new car seat. YAY!!!! The same day I found one of the bassinets I wanted on ebay for half the price of a new one. (Now we just have to pray I find another one like it... they are hard to find!) I was feeling pretty good about these finds when my mom calls and said she found a rack of onesies at Target for 25 cents each. (Naturally, she cleaned them out!) By the end of the day, I had learned my lesson. God knows what we need, and He will supply our needs. Oh, I'm sure I'll still worry now and then - I'm not that spiritual! But, it did remind me that I can't control everything in our life, and sometimes I just have to let go and let God take care of it.

The Big 3-0!

Thanks to everyone who called or e-mailed me for my birthday! I can't believe I'm 30!!!!! Aaack. Oh well, right now I feel about 58... but that will (hopefully) change. We had to cancel my party due to a snowstorm, but it was still a nice evening with our immediate family. Hey, I got gifts and nachos with guacamole. I always love gifts, and lately I have been having insane cravings for spicy Mexican foods. (Which surprisingly don't make me sick. Go figure.) So, I was one happy fat lady! I certainly would NEVER have guessed I'd be preggers with twins on my 30th birthday. I thought the baby days were over!!!!! Anyways, thanks again to everyone who made it a special day for me.