Thankful

I know I tended to be negative in my last couple posts, so I thought I would post all the positive things I am thankful for!!

*After two more medication changes, my nausea and vomiting has been cut down to about 1/4 what it was. I was even able to take a shower on my own. Up till now, I've had to sit in a shower chair while Chad washed my hair and helped me wash. This is not as romantic as it sounds, since most of the time I was heaving my guts out in the process. Also, I have been able to walk a bit around the house, which is better than staring at the ceiling while laying on the couch. I am keeping more foods down, which is nice because my gourmet daily menu of crackers, toast, baked potatoes and ramen noodles was getting boring. It is a huge emotional boost to see improvement and know that this misery will end!!!

*Because I am not throwing up as much, I am not dehydrating as often which has had a HUGE impact on my heart. The more water I can keep down, the better my heart behaves itself, which in turn greatly improves my overall health. I still have bad days, but there are some good days sprinkled in now.

*Our church has been amazing. Not only have they extended the meals all the way through JANUARY, but I am also encouraged from the phone calls, visits and cards. They always seem to come when I am really getting depressed!!!! Also, people have been donating money to a "meal fund," so if we need to order carry-out or grab pizza we can. With Chad working long hours, then coming home to spend the evening caring for the girls, running errands, doing housework, paying bills, and all the other things I used to do during the day... you just can't imagine the relief it is to have a hot meal made or be able to have the money to grab a pizza. We have never been in such a loving, compassionate environment, and I am so proud of the wonderful families of our church. It's one thing to help out for a little bit, but as the months drag on we still have so many people praying for us, checking up on us and helping out with child care, meals, etc... What a blessing!!!!

*I can't forget my daily "caregivers." Even as I feel a bit better, the simplest of tasks exhausts me. I am so thankful to my family that continues to come over every morning to help with the girls and keep the house from being declared a disaster zone. I have my regulars of Aunt Sarah, Uncle Johnny and Grandma H, but others have also stepped in when they get a chance or to fill in when needed. Whether they stay and help out at the house or grab the girls and go, either way I know I would not be making the recovery I am without this tremendous amount of help. It means the world to us.

*I have clothes!!!!!! As my size has, er, rapidly expanded, I fast grew out of all but my baggiest sweatpants. I adopted some of my hubby's wardrobe, but was worried about heading to my doctor's appointment in his M&M PJ pants and Bass Pro Shop t-shirts. Being bedridden makes it a bit difficult to shop for maternity clothes, sooooo... my cousin Elizabeth came to the rescue. Her initial box held a couple pairs of jeans (that fit perfectly) and some tops, then the second, larger installment held a good assortment of tops, dress clothes, even a couple jackets. (Oh, and being the bargain hunter she is, Elizabeth couldn't resist throwing in a pair of Merrell shoes for Elianna that she found for a great price.) Yay! I have clothes!!!!!

*We have a furnace!!! We went a week and a half without heat when our furnace bit the dust and our original repairman gave us the run-around (then ended up never showing up). NOT FUN to go from being miserable to being COLD and miserable. We survived, though, and a second guy, a Christian recommended from a friend at church, came out that was just great. He was very sympathetic to our plight and had everything installed and running within days. It's so nice to hear the furnace click on, light, and actually blow out warm air!!! The simple things we take for granted.

Doctor Visit

I don't know if anyone is still checking, since my updates have become so few and far between... A lot is happening, I just never feel well enough to try blogging!!

My last visit was both good and bad. Good because I gained two more pounds and there were still two little heartbeats!!! I am still measuring bigger than average (even for twins!) but only by a couple centimeters. I can't help but get nervous, since I currently weigh 15 pounds less than I did when I delivered Selah. And I am only 16 weeks... *sigh*

The bad news is my heart condition is back. With Selah I developed a heart condition at about 24 weeks, so it was discouraging that it is back already. So, back to the cardiologist I go! Grrr..... My doctor said she suspects that there is an electrical impulse issue, with something misfiring and causing my heart to randomly speed up, pound hard, barely beat or skip beats. Also, my heart rate stays elevated even when I am just laying there (which is all I ever do) and my blood pressure is very low. All of this causes the nausea, disorientation, and fainting I had to deal with the last couple months of Selah's pregnancy. It has not gotten that bad yet, but I have to admit I really struggled with being depressed at the prospect of dealing with this again.

We also had to discuss my surgery options should the twins show signs of twin-twin transfusion. This was also a bit overwhelming, since this surgery is not performed anywhere in Michigan, and she can't guarantee that my insurance will cover it. (It might be new enough to be considered "experimental," which they won't touch.) Of course, I am just praying that I won't need this surgery, but my doctor wants to prepare for it just in case. (Because if I do need it, there is a small window in which it can be safely performed.)

So, overall I left with mixed feelings. I am happy that things are okay so far, but it's hard not to worry about the complications that seem to pile up!!!

Clean Playroom!!! New Porch!!!

My mumsie-in-law came over and organized the playroom, which was getting really s-c-a-r-y. She also did the girls laundry and started sorting their clothes. (Poor Selah still has a drawer full of 18 month summer clothes which are too small and not weather appropriate. I have warmer/larger clothes, but that's another project we haven't gotten around to.) It is hard enough for Chad to keep up with the housework (along with everything else) in the few hours he has after work, so the heavy-duty organizing is falling by the wayside and the house is getting, shall we say, a bit frayed around the edges. This is especially noticeable when you are lying on the couch staring at it all day, but too weak and miserable to get up and do anything without starting a puke party. So, although it may not seem like a big deal to you, having one corner of the house back in order did much for my mental well-being!!!!

Then, my darling brother came over and helped Chad finish painting our porch, a project that has been sitting untouched for an embarrassingly long time. It was really ugly, since Chad had managed to strip most of the paint off before I got sick, but then the project stalled and it looked like a vacant ghetto porch. It was too much for Chad to handle on his own (can't imagine why, I mean, what else does he have to do?!??) so once again our wonderful family came to the rescue so we could take advantage of the lovely 70 degree weather. Aunt Connie took the girls and Jon came over and got to work painting while Chad tore out the rotted parts and rebuilt them. I even got to go outside (a rare treat) where I sat in a lounger and gave unnecessary directions so I could feel useful. They ignored me for the most part, but managed to pretend my advice was helpful. The porch looks brand new. I even took pictures.

So, see, it's not always all bad news coming out of here lately.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy BIRthday dear Daddy
Happy Birthday to you!

Happy birthday to the most wonderful husband and daddy in the world. I can't imagine going through this without someone like you, and I can't thank you enough for all that you do and all that you are for me. We love you!!!

Updates

We have switched my meds again, and this time we found something that has slowed the vomiting. Hooray! It doesn't make me feel any better, but I know I will get better faster if I stop getting dehydrated from throwing up so much. So, I still feel lousy, but things are looking up. With Selah I was sick through my fifth month, so I figure I am over halfway there.

Went back to the doctor and there are still two little heartbeats in there. My uterus is the perfect size for being 16 weeks... but of course I'm only 12 weeks! (She assured me this is the normal development rate with twins.) I have gained three pounds, which is great for how sick I've been. It's mostly fluid from the babies, but hey, better up than down!

Going over the report from the specialist with my doctor, she told me the twins are sharing a placenta. So, unfortunately, though they are in separate sacks, there is still the danger of twin-to-twin tranfusion. I will be going for an ultrasound on Nov 18th to see if their development seems to be equal. If not, I may need surgery if it appears that the transfusion is taking place. (You can tell because one twin will grow larger and one will stay very small.) So, please pray that they learn to share nicely at an early age!!!! I am thankful for the advances in modern medicine. There used to be nothing you could do for twin tranfusion other than let one live or else try to induce early and hope they both survived. With this surgery there is a chance that both can develop normally and be born healthy. Naturally, though, I am hoping this doesn't end up being necessary!!!!

I have been staying at my in-laws since I have been doing so badly, and the girls are loving all this "grandma time." She has read stacks of books, done art projects, taken them on outings, played outside, and all that other fun grandma stuff! And through it all she finds time to yell at me for not drinking enough fluids, which makes Chad proud since that is usually his job. She even bought some Sprite at the doc's suggestion and left it out to get nice and flat for me. I am very blessed with such a wonderful supportive family. Thanks for your help!!!!!!

Still Puking...

Sorry to be gross, but that about sums it up. I have been feeling worse and worse and can't seem to stop throwing up. Trying not to dehydrate is very difficult at this point, since even a few sips of juice, water, etc... and I throw it all back up. I seem to be able to chew ice chips now and then, so hopefully that will work. Please pray for us!!!!!! I know this has to end sometime, but right now it only seems to be getting worse every day.

Went to the specialist...

They were able to clearly identify that the babies are not in the same membrane, which greatly reduces the complications they will face. Yay! They are equal in size (also a good sign) and had strong heartbeats. They are also making an educated guess that they are identical. They can't tell for sure, but apparently it has something to do with the way the membrane is forming. I am still feeling overwhelmed with it all, but I am always happy to get good news!!! Oh, and Selah informed me that she also has two babies in her tummy. She keeps pulling up her shirt and saying, "See? Really tiny babies in there." Elianna said she has one baby. She had two but she dropped one and it got squished. Graphic, but that's what she said.

My beta levels continue to sky-rocket, though, and as a result I am feeling pretty miserable most days. I am very bored, since reading or watching movies makes me nauseous. Really all I can do is lay there all day, stare at the ceiling, and try not to throw up. Loads of fun. I try to get up and walk around a bit, but the nausea and dizziness is really heavy right now. The doctor said my levels should peak this week, then start to fade. You can guess how I'm praying!!!!

I really don't know what we would do without all the help we are getting. My doctor said the care I am getting is really helping me not get as sick as last time. My family takes turns coming over during the day to care for the girls, help around the house, and we are still getting meals from our church. The meals have been a huge blessing, since not only do they take another burden off of Chad, they have been big enough to provide not just dinner but a few lunches as well! Also, the notes and calls I've gotten always seem to come at just the time I need them. Those who have added us to your church's prayer lists - THANK YOU. We need lots and lots.. and lots of prayer. The constant sickness is wearing me down emotionally, and if it wasn't for prayer sometimes I think I'd have a nervous breakdown. Also, this is hard on Chad and all the family who are doing my job for me (plus all the extra work I cause) while I'm so sick!!!! Argh. This is definitely not the fun part.

My next appointment is the beginning of October. I will have another ultrasound and will be able to pass on more info. They are also recommending an amnio around 16 weeks, so we are praying about that. That's the update for now!

More Big News

I am dragging myself up to the computer to update you all. I apologize that I cannot answer my e-mails individually. I appreciate them and Chad reads them all to me, but I can't sit at the computer very long. So, thanks for all of your well wishes and encouragement. It really does mean a lot to me!!! This is a difficult time emotionally, as you can imagine.

We went for my ultrasound today, and found out I am 8 weeks along giving me a due date of April 21st. (Although, they don't think I will carry full-term, but more about that later.) Being 8 weeks along is a good sign, since by 8 weeks last time around I was dehydrated, anemic, and had lost 13 pounds. (I am slightly dehydrated, but other than that no weight loss or anemia.) My hormone levels are elevated, but not quite as high as last time. (Although the doctor hastened to point out that your hormone levels double every 48 hours for the first 10-12 weeks, so I have plenty of time to get good and sick-er. Gee, thanks!!!)

Now, for the interesting part! She was checking the little jellybean for measurements, heartbeat, etc..., and then she said, "Now we'll just sweep your uterus..." That sounded vaguely like something pertaining to housework so I wasn't all that interested. I saw her stop, look serious, then lean forward. Then the words no one wants to hear from your doctor, she says, "Oh, my." Chad and I both looked at each other. What exactly do you mean by "Oh, my"? She laughed and said, "There's another baby in there!" WHAT?!?!!??! We both just stared at her with these dumb, blank looks. (Which didn't wear off for several hours.) To say we are shocked is an understatement. With my ovarian condition, having an egg mature and go through the process of ovulation is very rare. We know from Selah's existence it is not impossible, but it is very, very rare. (In fact, I got rather tired of all the nurses, techs and doctors asking me, "Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?" As if I'm going to slap my forehead and say, "Oh, now that you've asked me ten times, I suddenly remembered!") So, to have TWO eggs ripen at the same time is something of a medical marvel, since many people with my condition never have any. I know some day I will be in tearful awe at the miracle of it all, but now all I am thinking is, "Four kids under four years old?!??!?! AAAAAARGH!!"

Now, on a more serious note, there is a real concern. She was unable to verify that there was a membrane around each baby and is sending me to a specialist. PLEASE pray that the membrane is there, she just couldn't see it, and that it gets thicker by my next appointment so they can verify it. My appointment with the specialist is next Tuesday, and what he finds will determine whether or not I will switch to their office (which is for pregnancies with complications) or be able to stay with my regular obstetrician for the rest of the pregnancy. Either way, now there are a lot more risks and factors involved, and we will need lots and lots of prayer.

Our church has been such a blessing. We just found out that different ladies in the church are signing up to bring us meals twice a week! Since I can barely get off the couch except to go throw up, Chad is being both mommy and daddy right now. He's doing a great job, but naturally it is tiring working all day, then coming home to cook dinner, clean the house, run errands, and care for the girls. These meals will be such a huge help. In fact, they brought the first meal today, and it was DELICIOUS!!! So to anyone from my wonderful church stopping by here, THANK YOU!!!!!

Also, I am so thankful for those who have helped out with the girls. Just coming by to take them outside, feed them lunch, or take them to the park means so much to them and me! They have been having sleepovers at my mom's, and my sis has been helping out with running errands. Uncle Jon even came over and made them a picnic with McD's chicken nuggets! It is very hard not being able to care for your own children. Elianna especially is having a hard time with my illness, since she doesn't understand why I can't get off the couch all day. She is very moody and emotional right now. Selah doesn't seem to care one bit. In fact, when I do try to sit up, she yells at me, "Mommy, lay back down!" I almost think she likes me laying there on the couch all day, since it makes me accessible to her. She is constantly bringing me toys, books, and other things, and seems overall content. She pats my belly and says, "Baby in there? Tiny baby? Selah big girl, Selah hold baby?" Elianna is more interested in what names we are choosing and how much longer I'm going to be sick.

Well, I will try to keep you posted! I may have to teach Chad how to post since this is very difficult for me. Again, I'm sorry I can't answer you all individually, but I do appreciate it all more than you know. Please pray for our babies, and for God's grace as we begin this new adventure!!!!!!

And so it begins...

Well, I have been getting sicker every day, the vomiting has begun in earnest, and by the looks of things this time is going to be as much fun as last time. Ugh. The doctor has brought out the big guns as far as meds go, since last time we waited too long and couldn't stop the vomiting until a lot of damage was done. This is wearing on me mentally as well as physically, since the thought of being this sick again is just overwhelming. Again, just pray for me and my family, that we get through this in one piece. Tuesday I find out how far I am, but the nurse is guessing I'm only a few weeks and the real sickness is yet to come. Sorry to sound so down and negative. We really are excited about the baby, but you can hang the rest of it!!!

The Big News

The test results came back, and the doctor called me to say... we need to run more tests! Argh. So I will be going back September 9th for the last round. One thing they were able to confirm is that we are officially expecting another baby!!!!

We are very excited about having another one, but at the same time I am terrified because of how sick I was last time. I have been feeling pretty lousy so far, but not to that extent yet. We are really praying that this time won't be as bad!!! I won't know until the next round of tests and an ultrasound exactly how far I am/what my due date is. I am rooting for being as far along as possible, but it's not likely.

Thanks to those who have already been helping us out while I've been sick. It is so hard for Chad to single parent when I'm having a rough spell, so helping out with the girls or bringing over a meal has been more of a blessing than you know. If this pregnancy is anything like the last one, we are in for a very long, hard road. Please pray that the Lord will deliver me this time, and also pray for Chad and the girls. Being without a fully functional wife and mother is hard on them, and last time I was pretty sick right to the very end. I will keep you posted when I get the ultrasound and see the little jellybean!