Curse of the Pink Pirate

Okay, this post might very well cost me my marriage, but I think I have proven that my sense of humor often supersedes my sense of kindness and decency.

I was coming home from grocery shopping, oblivious to what was going on in my home. I had made the mistake of leaving my precious, impressionable children with their father AND Uncle Jonny. Either one of these particular adult figures is a dangerous influence at best, but combined... I don't know what I was thinking. Anyway, I arrive home to find our truck parked in the street in front of our house, so I pull into the driveway. I was just grabbing a few bags when I hear an engine rev and a SMASH. I turned around to see that someone (very quickly) pulling out of the driveway across the street had backed right into my truck!!!!! They hit it so hard it actually moved the truck over a few inches... very nearly into the ditch. I'm standing there staring in shock, when what do you suppose comes charging out of MY HOUSE. My darling husband... dressed as a pirate. Oh, and not just any pirate. Apparently, the only head gear he could find (to imitate that turban like head wrap all true pirates wear) was my daughter's fuzzy pink blanket. And the only appropriate nose ring he could find was... a large, dangly rhinestone-studded clip-on earring from her wedding dress-up kit. His eyes were flashing and he calls to me, "Someone just hit our truck!" He comes charging down the driveway, apparently having completely forgotten his attire. I barely had time to sputter out a response that came out something like, "You are NOT going over there dressed like that!" He hesitates, and you can see the realization dawn on him that he almost stormed over and confronted a very inebriated redneck... while dressed as a pink pirate. At this time, my brother bursts out to see what the commotion is about, and he is dressed in a large Target bag. (He cut leg holes out, and looped the handles over his shoulders.) Very disturbing. Have you ever had one of those moments where you think the world has gone mad? Yeah?

Welcome to my life.

P.S. In case you were wondering what happened to the inebriated redneck, Chad called the police, who administered a breathalyzer and arrested the guy. There were open canS (yes, plural) of beer all over the truck, and they didn't even have the sense to throw them away before the police came. I guess I'd rather they smash into my parked truck than a car with people in it!!!! What an idiot. I hope they throw the book at the guy - there is absolutely no excuse for getting behind a wheel while drunk. Accidents happen, but I have no tolerance for drunk drivers.