I am in the hospital...

Well, I am in the hospital. Ick. I am excited they gave me a laptop - I am bored beyond reason when I am not worried or exhausted. Anyway, here's the scoop!
Yesterday Chad took me for my weekly ultrasound. Things have been going great with the twins, as I mentioned in an earlier post. The fluid levels are balancing out, and the smaller twin has grown from the 9th percentile to the 30th percentile. The larger one is almost 3 pounds and the smaller one is just over two pounds. So, we were feeling very optimistic going to this ultrasound! Then they dropped the bomb, but I'll get to that.
First, the office called to say that my new doctor (the Maternal-Fetal specialist Dr. Bryant) has become severely ill and will be hospitalized indefinitely. They are sending me back to my original doctor, and she is consulting with the specialists at U of M for my care. I wasn't worried about this at all (in fact, I was a little relieved to be back with the doctor I've seen all along and was comfortable with, since the complications seemed to be resolving themselves) and again we were looking forward to my carrying these munchkins nice and long. Yeppers, everything is just fine and dandy. (I should have known better!!!)
Anyhoo, I was 28 weeks yesterday, so they decided to do a Doppler scan, showing blood flow in the babies/placenta. I was having heart issues, so they had to keep shifting my position. I assumed this was why they scanned me four times, but after the scan(s), they told me to wait in the consultation room. This was not good, since generally I just leave and get the report the next day. Finally, a nurse came in, and told me to go straight to the hospital. "The diastolic flow on the smaller twin was absent." That's what she said, and I had no idea what that meant. In lieu of Dr.Bryant's consult, she called my old doctor (Dr. Palfey) who said to admit me and prepare me for an emergency C-section. WHAT!??!!? I thought things were fine!!!!! Chad and I were just numb, but we drove to the hospital where they monitored me for the rest of the night. The babies were doing great, so they called off the C-section. (Yay!)
It was the longest, most miserable evening and night. I didn't sleep a wink, since the boys didn't want to stay on the monitor and the nurses had to keep coming in and adjusting them. Worrying about the babies, worrying about who will care for the girls, starving because they couldn't let me eat in case of the C-section (low blood sugar and stress don't mix), etc... it was not fun to say the least. On top of this, I had to have several consults with the doctors explaining what the possible scenarios were (which varied widely at this point from the annoying to the terrifying) and a HORRIBLE meeting with the neonatologist which I was in no mental state for. She was very kind and compassionate, but she had to explain a lot of possible medical issues with babies born this early that I just was not ready to hear. It was a horrible night to say the least.Today was much better. Not necessarily news-wise, but my mental state has improved considerably. (Thank the Lord for grace when you need it.) Dr. Palfey came first thing in the morning and explained what the diastolic issue meant as only she can. (I love my doctor!!!) She's to the point without sugar-coating. I won't bore you with the details, but the summary is that this will not correct itself and it is just a matter of time before they have to deliver the babies. They will be monitoring them, and as long as they seem happy and active (and their hearts do as well) they are going to leave them in as long as possible. Again, my doctor is consulting with U of M and keeping them appraised of the twins' condition/getting their opinions. If it seems like things will get overly complicated, they will transfer me there. For now, though, the plan is to keep me here until delivery is unavoidable. As for a time frame, that could be as early as tomorrow (I have been given steroids to boost their lung development) or as long as a couple weeks. Naturally, as much as I hate being here, I am still hoping they can stay inside safely as long as possible. Buns bake better in the oven than out!! Again, care for the girls is an issue, but we will play it by ear. Sarah is looking into emergency drop-in care at the daycare center she works at. It is a very calm, well-organized upscale daycare, and I think the girls would like it. Anyway, we shall see!!!!!

Wow, I've been working on this post all day and it's turning into quite the novel. One last biggie decision we have to make is whether to stay here or be transferred to U of M. I am more comfortable here, of course, and I prefer the preemie care here at their NICU, but U of M will have an entire staff of Maternal-Fetal specialists, whereas my current hospital no longer has a specialist while Dr. Bryant is recovering. Dr. Palfey used to work at U of M, so she has contacts there she has been conferring with. Unfortunately, her group is only on call through the weekend, and a different group of doctors will be here next week. I don't know how comfortable they will be dealing with a situation as touchy as mine, and I also don't know if they have specialists they call for advice (instead of just transferring high risk patients like me). Overall, it is walking a thin line - since if they take the twins too early the babies face a host of health issues, but leaving them in while one is essentially getting no nutrients could cause a whole new set of health issues. So there is a huge burden placed on the doctor who must decide when to "pull the trigger" on the delivery. Naturally a specialist will feel more comfortable making that call, while a general OB doctor (which is all we currently have here) will have a lot on their conscience making that decision on more limited knowledge/experience. Chad and I are praying and hoping we come to the same conclusion. Please add this to your ever lengthening list of things to pray for us and the babies!!!!

I will close this book for now. There is actually so much going on, believe it or not I am trying to summarize!!! Sorry if some of this was repetitive - I was working on it all day and so didn't have a fluid train of thought. I am in a much better state of mind today, much more at peace and ready to face whatever God has in store. I am sure this is due to the prayers we are receiving. I don't think I've ever experienced a pain like this, seeing our babies in danger and feeling so helpless to do the right thing. (Since no one is sure what the right thing is!!!) I'm not looking forward to living here for the next however long, but on the other hand I feel better knowing how closely monitored the babies are. Continue to pray for us, and thanks so much for all the phone calls, cards, and even visitors I've already had!!!! It really breaks up the boredom and keeps up my spirits. Pray for the girls as they deal with this emotional time, and also for Chad who is trying to keep his job and juggle caring for me and the girls. What a crazy time for us! I'll keep you posted. Trust me - I don't have anything else to do here!!!!

Selah is Potty Trained!!!

Hooray! After a whopping 9 day "Potty Boot Camp" Selah is accident-free and proudly sporting her big girl panties. My MIL posted a cute pic with her post here. This is a big relief, and she is quite proud of herself!!!!

Baby Update!!

We had another ultrasound/amniotic fluid check on the babies, and the fluid levels on the larger twin have gone down to normal! His heart is also close to normal, and both babies bladders are functioning fine (a big deal with TTTS). They both have strong heartbeats and are very active. I swear they have started wrestling in there. There is still slightly less fluid on the smaller twin, but the level has remained stable, which is a GREAT thing. Chad and I had another consultation with Dr. Bryant, and he is reconsidering his diagnosis of TTTS! He said that there is another condition that causes one twin to outpace the other in growth, and it involved how efficiently each twin is attached to their shared placenta. If one just isn't "hooked up" as well, he will grow slower. This is significant, because this condition does not carry NEARLY as many risks as TTTS as far as mental handicaps, cerebral palsy, preterm labor, heart failure, and all that other yucky stuff. There is no way to treat it, and as long as the wee one is growing steadily, even if slower, you just keep them in as long as possible. With TTTS, you can't leave them in the womb once it progresses past a certain point, since it will kill both of them if left untreated. This is not the case if one is just not getting his fair share of the placenta. So, naturally I am praying that this is the case, especially since I have passed the deadline for surgery for TTTS. There is nothing we can do either way at this point, so I am hoping for Door #2!! He is a very active little baby, even if tiny, and I am sure he is going to be a little fighter no matter what ends up being the diagnosis. (I am starting to think we will just keep guessing till they are born.) He already wrestles his brother and they still manage somersaults much to my discomfort. Sometimes when I worry about him, he starts to kick and squirm as if to tell me he's still fighting in there! His "big" brother likes to climb on him so he is helping to toughen him up as well. Just pray, pray, pray for them. I have had several people tell me they put the babies on their churches' prayer lists. This means the world to us, since I am a big believer in the power of prayer. Their next growth measurements are at the end of this month, so I'll let you know how big they're getting then!

Blessings!

I know this may be getting redundant, but again I need to say thanks to those who are really going out of their way to help us out. My family has been a huge help with taking care of the girls. Although I am still not on full bed rest (yay!) I am not supposed to be on my feet if I can avoid it. Which is a joke with a 2 and 3-year-old. So, our church has started bringing meals AGAIN, which is a great help to both me AND Chad. (And they're really yummy, too.) Also, we've had a couple guys bring us by some of their hunting bounty, so we have a freezer piled with venison, boar, fish and other goodies. (We've made a good dent in the venison already! And Sarah and Eric are making sweet and sour pork tonight with some boar roast. Yummmm...) You can't imagine what a help this is to have food in the freezer. Grocery shopping has become something of a luxury with time and energy at such a premium! Also, even with the ridiculous amount of snow we've been getting, our retired next-door neighbors have been diligently snow blowing and shovelling our driveway. Short of shovelling at 2:00 a.m., I don't know when Chad could possibly have done it, and our car had already gotten stuck twice. They even come over and clean off that humop you get at the end of your driveway when they plow. Talk about meticulous! We were just overwhelmed. When we thanked the man and his wife, he just said that when his wife had been pregnant over 30 years ago, he was, like Chad, also working a lot of hours and trying to keep up with running the household. After a big snow, his neighbor came over and kept their driveway clear. So, he figured it was his turn to pay it forward! I felt like crying!!!! Just like in the movies.

Anyway, we have been very humbled and are very grateful by how much our friends and family have helped us through this. I feel like you are not only helping us out, but you are helping give our babies the best possible chances, since so much stress is being lifted off by all this help in these different areas. Words really aren't enough, but THANK YOU. Okay, enough of this before I start crying again. ;0)

Labor Scare!!!

Yikes, I had my first preterm labor scare. A nasty tummy bug has been ravaging my family, and it hit me the middle of last week. I couldn't keep anything down, not even a sip of water. OF COURSE Chad had to be out of town for two days, so fortunately my mum-in-law helped out with the girls. There wasn't much to do for me, though, so I basically sat in a chair and only got up to throw up. Talk about miserable!!! By the second day I was, of course, dehydrated, and the contractions started. I was hoping they weren't anything serious, and I was just counting the hours till Chad got home!!! By the time he got there, they were 15 minutes apart and not stopping. We called the doctor and explained the situation, and they said I could try to hydrate myself or get to the hospital and get an IV. Since they weren't increasing in intensity, they said I could try for two more hours to rehydrate if I didn't want to go to the hospital. My mom was getting off work at 10:00 that night, so I asked her to stop by and check on me. If the contractions didn't let up, she offered to stay with the girls. Chad is quite the pro at hydrating, since this is something he dealt with a lot early on in the pregnancy, and within the first hour the contractions slowed down to 30 minutes apart. He knew just how much diluted Gatorade and ice chips to give me. Not too much that I would start vomiting again, but enough to get the job done. Finally they slowed to an hour apart. The next day I went to see Dr. Bryant, and they found I had effaced(?) a little bit, so the contractions had been "real." Yikes! Anyway, he told me to stay lying down (I guess sitting up had made it worse, since it puts pressure on your cervix. Oops.) avoid any solid food, take my anti-nausea pills, and DRINK DRINK DRINK. Again, he suggested an IV, but said he thought Chad was doing a good job getting me rehydrated if I'd rather stay home. (Which I did.) I had had 16 contractions the next day, and only about 5 yesterday, so I'm guessing we are out of the woods! One of my medical field readers will have to tell me, since I forgot to ask the doctor, can you go backward once you've started effacing? Or will I just have a shorter cervix now till the actual labor? Just curious.

Anyway, like I said, I am feeling better now, keeping down both food and liquids. Just pray that this doesn't happen again - they need to stay in there and bake another couple months at least!

Ticker!

I've added the ticker, but it says I'm 27 weeks. Not sure how they calculate it, but the farther I am the better!!!

*Update* Ooops, I figured out what was wrong. My doc and I have been going by my realistic due date, which is 38 weeks (April 7th), but my actual 40 week due date is April 21st. In all honesty, they are hoping I make it to 35 weeks, which is about the end of March. But anyway, I changed the ticker - now it's accurate at least as to how far along I am!

Health Update

Thanks for all your prayers for my health and most importantly the health of our teeny little baby boys!!!! My doctor called, and she and the specialist in maternal-fetal medicine (Dr. Bryant) have made the decision to transfer me completely to Dr. Bryant's care. This was a bit emotional for me, since I absolutely LOVE my doctor, and it is hard to switch to a virtual stranger at this point!!!! But, she said that she felt things were just getting too high-risk to be handled by a general OB doctor, and she would feel better seeing me in the hands of an expert. I agreed that I would do whatever is best for the babies, but I will miss her.

So, now I will be seeing Dr. Bryant on a weekly basis as we monitor the twins. He said the last two reports showed that the fluid levels were still stable, which makes three weeks in a row they haven't changed. (This is VERY good news!!!!) The larger twin's heart also is not as enlarged, and doesn't appear to be under stress. Their main concern at the point is the size discrepancy is increasing. The twins are now 35-40% different in size, up from 25%. The good news is, if my fluid levels stay relatively stable, then I can keep the little buns in the oven longer and give the wee one a chance to get big enough to make it out here. He is just now hitting 1 pound, while his "big" brother is crowding two pounds already! But the wee one is growing, so that's at least a relief. He is also very active, which they told me is a good sign. Dr. Bryant wants to explore other conditions besides TTTS that would cause such a growth discrepancy, since it is odd to have the babies be that far apart without the TTTS getting worse at all, or, as in my case, even progressing at all. Normally with twins that far apart in size due to TTTS, the fluid around the little one should be almost gone. Again, I am learning to just sit back and ride this out, leaving the details in God's hands. I can't help but worry about them, since I already love them dearly and I want them to be healthy, but at the same time I know I am doing all I can (which isn't much) and the rest is out of our hands. Next week is the deadline for a decision about the surgery, but with the babies amniotic fluid levels being stable I would not qualify anyway at this point! So if that doesn't change within the next couple weeks, I can assume God is giving us His answer on getting the surgery.

I am not on full bed rest yet, but I have been ordered to stay off my feet. Preterm labor is the biggest risk for the itty bitty baby until he has time to grow a bit more and fatten up a bit. My heart is doing a lot better, probably due to the fact I am rarely on my feet! When I am going stir crazy being in the house, we go to Meijer or some other store where I can putt around in an electric cart. Even that wears me out, though. I can't believe how easily I tire out!!!! More than five minutes on my feet and I will pass out unless I sit down and rest. I am growing quite large, and am currently the size I was when I delivered Selah, both in belly size and weight! Impressive, considering I am only 25 weeks along....

Thanks, Mystery Giver!!

It's funny how just about the time you start to panic about something, God steps in and provides... making you feel silly for worrying! First of all, I want to thank the Mystery Giver who sent us the letter and money around Christmas for the babies. I have to admit, my faith has been a little shaky as we get closer to the end of this pregnancy with no baby gear. One day, I was especially down about it, and I assume it was some kind of early "nesting" or something. I decided on a whim to check Craigslist... again... for some of the bare essentials I knew we needed to get started. My current hang-up? A baby bed/bassinet and car seats. I know there are other things you need to get started, but these were the two things I was thinking about. Okay, obsessing about! I have been checking Craigslist on the rare occasions I can get to the computer, but the only car seats I was finding were too old or too dirty. Well, this one day I decided to price new ones, and boy did I get sticker shock! We were blessed to find Elianna's car seat on clearance (part of a stroller travel system) for about half the price of a single car seat, and we used that for Selah as well. And OF COURSE that stuff is all gone now, since I purged my house of anything "baby" last year. Argh. So, back to Craigslist I go, and I find a listing that said "Twin Boys Baby items." Hmm, that sounded promising! I clicked on it, and found a phone number, which is unusual for Craigslist. I called the lady, and found out she was a grandma to identical twin boys who just turned a year old. (And apparently, she was having the same baby purge issue I had last year.) Included in her items for sale? Two "like new" car seats EXACTLY like the new ones I had picked out. The first price she quoted me was a bit higher than I was hoping, but she eventually lowered the price... and then threw in THREE bouncers, a bag of misc baby stuff/toys and two diaper boxes full of adorable little tiny boy clothes (including a few cute matching outfits!)! All of this was for the exact amount that the Mystery Person sent us in the mail, about the price of one new car seat. YAY!!!! The same day I found one of the bassinets I wanted on ebay for half the price of a new one. (Now we just have to pray I find another one like it... they are hard to find!) I was feeling pretty good about these finds when my mom calls and said she found a rack of onesies at Target for 25 cents each. (Naturally, she cleaned them out!) By the end of the day, I had learned my lesson. God knows what we need, and He will supply our needs. Oh, I'm sure I'll still worry now and then - I'm not that spiritual! But, it did remind me that I can't control everything in our life, and sometimes I just have to let go and let God take care of it.

The Big 3-0!

Thanks to everyone who called or e-mailed me for my birthday! I can't believe I'm 30!!!!! Aaack. Oh well, right now I feel about 58... but that will (hopefully) change. We had to cancel my party due to a snowstorm, but it was still a nice evening with our immediate family. Hey, I got gifts and nachos with guacamole. I always love gifts, and lately I have been having insane cravings for spicy Mexican foods. (Which surprisingly don't make me sick. Go figure.) So, I was one happy fat lady! I certainly would NEVER have guessed I'd be preggers with twins on my 30th birthday. I thought the baby days were over!!!!! Anyways, thanks again to everyone who made it a special day for me.

Specialist Consultation

I had a consultation with the specialist, and he confirmed the TTTS diagnosis. This was not a big surprise, almost a relief after not knowing for the last few weeks. The good news is that the amniotic fluid levels are not severely imbalanced enough to warrant treatment at this time... but the bad news is that this can change within a week's time. SOOOOO, you guessed it! I get to keep up the weekly ultrasounds. Yuck. We will be going back January 2nd for a complete scan of both babies (weights, fluid levels and all the other goodies) and we will see how far the TTTS is progressing at that point. I feel like a walking time bomb, since at this point the TTTS is mild enough for both babies to survive, but just as I was drawing a breath of relief he pointed out that it can go from mild to severe in a week. ARGH. Again, the laser surgery is only possible for another few weeks, and after that things are more dicey as far as treatment and risks for the babies.

I also need to clarify some things about the specialist. I talked to my doctor (about the things I had complained about earlier) and I found out I was not yet transferred to his practice and/or had become his patient! No wonder he never talked to me - he didn't know I existed. Poor guy, and I was so offended. My doctor simply sent me there for the ultrasounds since she wanted techs that were familiar with high-risk pregnancies. Once she clarified that, I felt much better!!! Also, he is not against the surgery, as was my initial impression, and in fact refers patients to a clinic in Ohio that performs them. Talking to him about the surgery, he seemed very well-informed about it and had indeed sent patients to get it. The only reason he only performs the amnio reduction treatment is simply because he refers all the surgery cases to the better equipped clinic in Ohio. *Another sigh of relief.* As for not diagnosing it, my initial ultrasound reports showed such mild symptoms progressing at such a slow pace (TTTS often develops and progresses quickly) that he did not see cause for concern. Now that the symptoms are more obvious, I am getting more detailed reports from him to my doctor and he is taking much more interest in my case... even though I am still not technically his patient. Overall, I feel much more comfortable with the situation now!!!! At least as far as trusting them with my medical information/diagnosis/treatment options.

As for the babies, I can still feel both moving around. This is a good sign!! The larger baby's heart is not quite as enlarged and does not seem to be under stress any more. Another good sign!! And the little one is still kicking and squirming (even did a somersault) which shows he has enough fluid to survive at this point. Yay! Now just pray that they stay put in there for a few more months, and that the TTTS stays mild enough for them both to grow strong and healthy.

Also pray for my heart condition. It is very difficult to live with and try to take care of two energetic girlies without getting really sick. I am hoping to avoid full bed rest as long as possible, and at this point the doctor is allowing me to do partial bed rest. She does not want me on my feet unless necessary, and she wants my rest times to equal my activity. Again, with two little girls this is not always possible , but we are plugging along!!!

Thanks so much for all the prayers and support. I know I keep saying this, but it's true: we could not get through this trial without all the help we've been getting. I'll give you all the new info after the 2nd, just keep in mind it takes me a while to get to a computer!!!